Top Ten Dos and Don'ts for Your Midlife Crisis
Do you think 40 is the new 30? Do you feel uncertain about your life and whether you should do something about it? Well, look no further! I have curated a focused list of ten dos and don'ts to help you navigate this questionable time. Let's jump in! (Just don't sprain your ankle.)
1. Don’t get a hair implant. Do grow a pear plant.
Stop looking at flights to Turkey, and instead, take a trip to your local Lowes for a succulent pome to plant. Think of all the possibilities: pear juice, pear tart, pear sauce, pears in your salad... even Bubba would blush at the number of options—it's endless!
2. Don’t buy a speed boat. Do buy a cheese boat.
Chris-Craft this, Yamaha that. Fuhgeddaboudit. What you want is a scrumptious khachapuri—a savory, rich Georgian delight with the right balance of carbs, dairy, and protein to start (or end) your day. Gaumarjos!
3. Don’t get a Corvette. Do get some Gore-Tex.
When it comes to Corvettes, there are two types of owners: those who are compensating and those going through a midlife crisis. (God forbid both!) Let's face it—no one needs a Corvette, but everyone has to deal with the elements. That's why replacing those sneakers with some weatherproof runners or swapping your fleece for a parka is a better bet to living your best life.
4. Don’t get botox. Do get a blue tux.
Skip the headache of dealing with your forehead, and focus on your pizzazz, baby. Nothing says stylish like wearing blue, and nothing says classy like a tux. Bada-bing, bada-boom! Just like that, you're looking better than all the other shmucks in your age bracket.
5. Don’t have an affair. Do go to a fair.
Booking cheap motel rooms, trying to hide your secret lover's scent, dealing with divorce papers, blah, blah, blah. You wanna look for some side sugar? Go to your local country fair and order the funnel cake, beignets, or fried Oreos. Then, wash it down with some lemonade. That should solve your sweet tooth!
