A Flight Attendant's Guide to Not Being an Asshole

The interview below is part two of a conversation with my friend, who's a flight attendant. This article contains the "etiquette" portion of our discussion. (Check out part one here.)

Let's talk about social etiquette. What is the most common etiquette mistake people make?

Keeping their headphones in during service. You see us coming… you want something… why do you still have your headphones in? Why? Why can't you pause your movie and speak to me like a normal person? That's one etiquette.

Second etiquette is… just be mindful of the people during the boarding process. Take out the things that you need while at your seat at the gatehouse. So when you get to your aisle, you're able to throw your bag up or put your bag down and then sit in your seat. Don't get to your aisle, take off your backpack, go through your backpack to look for your charger and your gum and then your cell phone and your wallet and then put your bag up. You're holding up the boarding process and other people. Your flight may be delayed, and other people may have a missed connection. You're being inconsiderate and selfish.

And then, what's the other thing? Yeah and going back to food, just be mindful of aromatics and scents, food and perfume.

Oh, and use headphones! If you have your phone and you're watching TikTok, honey, bring your AirPods or bring your headphones and put them in. Also with AirPods, another major thing: take them out! Do not have them on on the airplane, because if you lose it, there's a good 95% chance you're not going to find them again. Good 95% chance. And we will help you look for it for maybe three to five minutes. After that, this plane has to get out to another destination, honey. And we got another flight or we're off. It's time to go. And we will tell you it's time to go. And you just lost $200 worth of AirPods.

What is something that people should know but probably don't?

Keep your shoes on or bring your own slippers to the airplane and wear them. Don't walk around with your socks on. Like that's not water on the floor in the lavatory [both laughing]. That's not water, honey.

And then those carpets are barely ever cleaned. Like they're… you know those $20 vacuums that you can get from Walmart?

Yeah.

That's what cleans them. Okay? [laughing] Alright? And just think—that plane goes in and out all day, all week, all year long, barely in the hangar most of the time.

And just think—maybe a week ago, someone vomited right where you're stepping, and the most that was put down was the little vomit kit that you remember from grade school to help clean up and help de-sanitize it and the odor. But yeah, that's nasty.

Oof, oof [cringing], John, I will see some cute guys and then I see them without their shoes on. I'm like, "nope!" I can't even do it [laughter]. I can't.

That's funny. Since you brought up vomit, what's the grossest thing you've seen on a plane?

Grossest? I've heard stories. I've heard ridiculous stories, horrible stories. But the grossest thing I have seen… [imagine] your trash can in your kitchen… do you think... okay, let's say in your house, at your kitchen, would you want someone who has a baby going to the bathroom, change a diaper, it's a very poopy and nasty back diaper, then try and hand it to you to throw away in your kitchen, where the food is and all that stuff? Even if it's the trash can. That's just nasty. That's nasty.

And also you handing it to another person… it doesn't matter if I'm wearing gloves or not. It's just so inconsiderate. At the end of the day, I would say just wrap the dirty diaper up, put it in a vomit bag, and throw it away in the bathroom, in the lavatory. Ask for your own glove and push it down underneath. That's nasty.

But I've also heard from other flight attendants where there was one: it was a crazy story in our little flight attendant group on Facebook where a girl who was wearing a skirt just pulled out her tampon and put it in the trash bag. I'm like, "that's nasty."

The trash bag in the lavatory?

The trash bag as they're walking the aisle.

Oooohhhhh

[laughter] Collecting trash and this girl did it so quickly the flight attendant couldn't even react. And she's just like [appalled face] [both laughing]. That's nasty.