Offensive Band Names and What I Think About Their Music, Part 2: The "Animal" Edition
If you missed Part 1: The "Political" Edition, give it a read here!
If you'd like to listen along as you read, here are the ongoing Apple Music, Spotify, and YouTube playlists for the music discussed in this "Offensive Band Names" series (where available).
In this article, I share more opinions and even more questionable music from the world's most offensively named bands... this time "animal" themed! Ready... set... Goat!
Goat Sperm
I don't know why I had my hopes up for this one... but man, did it disappoint.
The only official releases were one split LP (which was available online) and one split EP (which wasn't available online). There are a few decent musical ideas (like this one and this one), but thanks to the very rough recording, the drums turn to a pounding mess, the strings (how many guitars are being played—I have no idea) turn to mud, and the vocals vary from static to kazoo noodling. And that's putting it kindly... the vocalist practically eats the mic.
In an effort to hear the band at their best, I dug through YouTube and found a promo tape with surprisingly better audio than the official releases. It's only marginally better, considering how rubbery and tinny the drums sound, but nonetheless it's better. I then noticed the "official concerts" listed on the promo cover (just above the GeoCities, Hotmail, and Yahoo addresses!), with one of the concerts turning up in another YouTube video. (Was it filmed in someone's basement? No, actually... was it?) I also couldn't help but draw a parallel between the lead singer and Guitar Hero World Tour character Lars Umlaut—the cartoonish embodiment of the black metal Scandinavian. Goat Sperm hailed from Germany, so I imagine there's some neighborly inspiration at play.
A last note: their Discogs page describes this group as a one-man project with aliases including Anal Oral, Bleeding Vomit, Satanik Overdoze, Grinding Bitch, and many other... uhh... interesting artist names. Individually, the aliases have only minor outputs like this one, spread across different decades, so it's possible that the dude's sound quality improved over time. That said, I'm not running the risk—it's a skip for me.
Queer Wülf
Don't be fooled by their nerdy looks; this band can really rock. (Then again, they have an umlaut in their name, so of course they can rock.)
Crust-punk band Queer Wülf had a brief but powerful run with only one LP, two EPs, and a split record to their name. Although their earlier work sounded ordinary, they eventually developed a style that was uniquely theirs. What never changed, though, was their sense of humor.
Featured on the cover of their 2001 debut EP, Cockroach City, is a cockroach climbing the Chrysler Building—a nod to King Kong summiting the Empire State Building. I've always considered New York City to be more of a "rat city," but regardless, what a fun pastiche! Apart from the first track's dual-panned vocals and funnily simplistic, low-energy drumming, nothing stands out to me. This record isn't the best punk out there, but it's certainly not the worst either.
Next was their 2003 follow-up EP, What Makes Me Smile, which I couldn't find on YouTube. However, the cover depicts a marijuana leaf, Milwaukee beer, the moon, and a Chewbacca-ified photo of what I'm guessing is one of the band members. Looking at the cover, I get the feeling that there are multiple inside jokes here, and I'm charmed to peer into a world that isn't my own.
In that same year, they released a split record with a band called Sharp Knife. Select songs are available on YouTube, including "Tonight, I'm Getting Fucking Wasted," which features a "crowd clap-along" section. Not bad for a quick laugh, but the rest of the track isn't memorable.
Then, in 2006, we hit the mother lode: Preaching to the Choir, their first and last LP. The cover shows a clergyman preaching while committing suicide, an image matched by an opening track introduced with a vocal snippet of what sounds like a Southern pastor. This record came out on a different label from the one behind the rest of their discography and is easily their highest-fidelity output. The twenty-three-minute recording illustrates how tight the chemistry was between the percussion and the melodies. From the variety of riffs played on "Fuck You Pilgrim" to the wide singing-to-screaming range on "Tomorrow's Too Late," this band held nothing back. Lastly, I'm smitten by their cover of Pagans' "Eyes Of Satan" as well as their quick "Black Betty" rendition halfway through the album. The latter reminded me of times when I was jamming with friends, and someone would start playing a different song, like "Sweet Child o' Mine," for a laugh. Oh yeah, and the credits list the bassist as Capt. Fuck Wad and the guitarist as Ben Dover. Classic.
